Race to Witch Mountain
Rated: PG
Runtime: 1 hour, 38 minutes
Directed by: Andy Fickman
Starring:
Dwayne Johnson - Jack Bruno
AnnaSophia Robb - Sara
Alexander Ludwig - Seth
Carla Gugino - Dr. Alex Friedman
Ciarán Hinds - Henry Burke
Tom Everett Scott - Matheson
Chris Marquette - Pope
Garry Marshall - Dr. Donald Harlan
The benefit of screenings where kids are allowed to attend is that even though it's usually stuffed with people who will cut your throat for a free t-shirt and then don't know how to behave at a movie theatre, promo screenings for kids movies are important because while kids will responds to most movies aimed at them, they won't respond to all which is how I knew that Madagascar 2 was a complete waste for the whole family and not just for me. However, the kids at my screening of Race to Witch Mountain really went wild for the action adventure and in twenty years I imagine they'll look back on the movie with nostalgia and may begrudgingly admit that the special effects don't really hold up, not realizing that the effects are pretty poor even by today's standards and that it's the least of the film's problems.
The best way to sum up Race to Witch Mountain is My First Action Movie. There are a lot of explosions, set pieces, and chases but there's no blood (even when Dwayne Johnson gets a face full of rifle butt at one point) or swearing. Based loosely on the 1975 film Escape to Witch Mountain, the film follows two aliens who look like kids from Village of the Damned (AnnaSophia Robb and Alexander Ludwig), use bizarre syntax, and are trying to get a device that will revitalize their world. Even though they can fly a spaceship, move objects telekinetically, phase in and out of objects, and read people's thoughts, driving a car is out of their skill set so they hire taxi driver Jack Bruno (Dwayne Johnson) to take them to their location. Of course, nothing goes as planned and the kids are being hunted both by an assassin from their world and the eeevil "secret" government agency headed by Cirian Hinds (who could not look more bored and sad by this role) so it's up to Jack to serve as their protector and show that even though he's a hardened ex-con, he's a good man and fit to protect alien children.
There's barely anything consistent in Witch Mountain. Even the normally-reliable Johnson who can seem to lift any film with his indefatigable charisma can't seem to muster the energy at times to carry him through the haphazard plot and yet another chase sequence. Some of the effects don't look bad but others look like the kind of CG you'd expect to see on a PlayStation—the first PlayStation. And while I got a personal thrill at seeing one of the scenes taking place at the Planet Hollywood Hotel in Vegas since I've stayed there, I would have happily traded the location for a more exciting sequence or better yet, a more cohesive story. I got more of a thrill from seeing HitFix's Drew McWeeny in the background of the Planet Hollywood scene than I did from the film's third or fourth chase sequence.
Judging from the kids' reaction in the audience, they weren't bothered by any of the film's numerous problems. They don't care that the "secret" government agency has about a thousand people in its employ who can all keep a secret of a spaceship landing. They don't care that the score is as erratic as the special effects or that the social commentary is so ham-fisted that the film would be better off it the cast broke the fourth-wall and stopped to deliver a special PSA. And they won't be able to discern what's mediocre in the film from what's truly good like when Johnson does deploy his incredible charm (not slang), or the energy of Carla Gugino's performance (she plays an astrophysicist/love-interest who doesn't really come into the film till the second half), or Chris Marquette's highly enjoyable and far-too-small bit part as a government agent. It will all blend together as a candy-coated whirlwind and I think they'll enjoy the ride.
Witch Mountain isn't a horrible film but there's very little passion or craftsmanship behind it. Most adults will forget it instantly but when the film is inevitably remade or remained a generation from now, today's kids will look back fondly on it as the first time they experienced a modern action movie and will try to evaluate it based on feel-good memories rather than its actual merits.
Words by
Matt Goldberg
3.12.09